


what is this feeling ?

by majoriwa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Iwaizumi Hajime, Childhood Friends, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, F/M, Flirty Oikawa Tooru, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Oikawa Tooru, Graduation, House Party, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Oikawa Tooru, Jealousy, M/M, Movie Night, Oblivious Iwaizumi Hajime, Post-Graduation, Sharing a Bed, Sleepovers, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majoriwa/pseuds/majoriwa
Summary: 'Seriously Iwa-chan , out of all the years why must this one be the one you receive a confession?'________Oikawa always had a feeling there was something different about him , something most boys wouldn't understand or relate to.Why didn't he ever get true butterflies from girls confessions? 'Why did it have to be you Iwa-chan? Why does it have to be Iwa-chan... when Iwa-chan is the only one who doesn't want me.'
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 11
Kudos: 15





	1. confessions?

OIKAWA TOORU , IWAIZUMI HAJIME: SECOND YEARS  
FEBRUARY 7TH- ONE WEEK BEFORE VALENTINE'S DAY

“Iwa-Chan hurry up so we can get home already.” Oikawa said standing by the door taunting his friend. “geez and you say i take long” he added. 

“You do take long.and i’m going-“ Iwaizumi said before he was interrupted by the view of something in his locker. 

A letter? 

Oikawa noticed Iwaizumi’s hesitation , “What is that Iwa-Chan? hurry up.” Oikawa asked calmly , he saw a glimpse of a pink envelope , ‘what the hell?’ he thought. 

“Shut up, it's a letter , i think it’s a confession but why is it in this locker and not my main one?” Iwaizumi said turning the paper over and seeing nothing but a cute sticker to seal it. 

“Iwa-chan’s first confession? wow…” Oikawa said surprised 

‘Shit since when does he get confessions?’ Oikawa wondered. 

“Well open it!” Oikawa said excitingly. He walked back over to his locker , next to Iwaizumi.

“What the hell? No you idiot we don’t even know who it’s from plus isn’t that rude to open a confession with someone else? I wouldn't want that done to me.” Iwaizumi said, placing the paper in his bag. 

Oikawa was worried. “It’s probably fake Iwa-chan , what would it be doing here? Maki probably pulled a prank on you.” 

“Besides what girl would want to date you Iwa-ch-“ Oikawa was cut off by Iwaizumi hitting his arm roughly.  
“Shut up Shittykawa , so annoying. Besides, what are you being jealous for? you’re the one getting dozens of confessions , and that’s only on Valentines Day” Iwaizumi said angrily. Which was true , Oikawa was always the one getting the girls and it started in middle school. But even with all those girls fawning over him , why wasn’t it a satisfying feeling? sure Oikawa appreciates the gesture but now that he thinks about it…

Why hasn’t he ever accepted any confessions? 

His thoughts get interrupted by Iwaizumi suddenly being the one at the door. “Let’s go home,” he says. 

____

On the walk home Oikawa can’t help but wonder who sent Iwaizumi a confession. There was only a small chance of it being a prank , but he really did want to know. However the taller boy didn’t bring it up again in fear of being…

“Oikawa” he heard

“H-huh? What?” Oikawa looked up from the sidewalk and saw his best friends concerned look on his face.

“You spaced out , we’re here so i’ll see you tomorrow.” Iwaizumi said.

Oikawa looks up and see’s , ‘Oh we’re at Iwa-chan's house already?’

“Oh alright , night Iwa-chan” Oikawa waved. 

“Don’t stay up too late.” Iwaizumi said and waved before walking into his own home.

The rest of the walk felt exhausting all the sudden the one block away from his and Iwaizumi’s house felt like miles. Why did Oikawa suddenly feel , so…

Tired. Just tired. That’s all it is.

Oikawa entered his house , taking his shoes off and hearing the stove on, meaning his mother was home cooking. 

“Tooru? Is that you?” she yells.

“Yeah” He says back. She walks over to her son , “Welcome home , dinner is almost ready so you could take a quick shower.” she says smiling. 

Oikawa heads upstairs to the bathroom to quickly wash his hands then to his room and puts his bag down next to his desk. normally after practice Oikawa still felt pretty good and he would stay up maybe watch a movie by himself or with Iwaizumi or maybe watch an old volleyball match from years ago. 

Not today. 

He was just tired , exhausted from a little bit of stress since.. he’s been overworking himself this week. 

Oikawa quickly takes a shower and hops in his clothes then checks his phone. 

___

From: Maki

-Hey , Did Iwaizumi get the letter I put in his locker? 

‘What? so it was fake. damn Maki’s pretty messed up for that’ Oikawa thought , he felt a wave of relief. His shoulders are less tense now. 

Why was Oikawa smiling at the message? 

From: Maki

-I just needed to make sure , I couldn’t give it to him at the moment cause he was in the bathroom. Also since he isn’t answering my texts , it's so annoying. 

To: Maki 

-Yeah he got it , i gotta go eat dinner so i’ll see you tomorrow 

From: Maki

-Night

___

So that was it. It was just a prank , Oikawa didn’t question it any further. He set his phone down, he rushed downstairs to have dinner , went back upstairs and set his morning alarms and went to bed. peacefully. as if nothing had happened. 

FEBRUARY 8TH:

Oikawa woke up at 7:45 , 15 minutes after than when he normally would but it’s fine he still had a good 20 minutes before he would go to Iwaizumi’s house and walk with him. Oikawa went to brush his teeth , wash his face and got changed and fixed his hair up. He wasn’t feeling breakfast so he just sat on his phone since he still had a good 5 minutes.  
He got bored so he figured he would start walking , his mom had already left for work so there weren't any goodbyes to be said. 

Perfect timing , he saw Iwaizumi come out of his house closing the door behind him the second he got there.  
“Hey Iwa-chan” “Morning , so you remember the letter I got right?” Iwaizumi asked. 

“Obviously Iwa-chan” Oikawa answered , ‘oh yeah it was a prank. But why does Iwa look happy about it?’ He thought to himself.

“The letter was from a girl in our English class , Yui. And I was trying to decide last night on if I should say yes or not since she wants to spend Valentine's Day with me , as in.. we could go out.” 

“Wait what?” Oikawa asked. ‘Wasn’t it a prank? There's a real girl , Iwa-chan’s going to date someone?’ Oikawa thought. 

“Wasn’t it just a joke from Maki? that’s what he told me yesterday.” Oikawa said and stopped walking. Iwaizumi was confused. “Maki texted me yesterday asking if I had gotten the letter and said a girl gave it to him. It even has her name on the letter. What did he tell you?” Iwaizumi laughed in confusion. 

“No it’s nothing I must have read his text wrong” Oikawa answered. Shit. Why does this feel disappointing in a way? 

“So , I think i’m planning on saying yes.” Iwaizumi said, smiling at his friend. 

Well , Why would that bother him? It’s just his friend getting a girlfriend , all guys do that it’s something normal.

“You should say yes Iwa-chan , This is gonna be the only time someone actually likes you in that way-” Oikawa says kiddingly but is then slapped in the hand by the shorter boy.

“Shut up , I get it already okay? I guess i’ll talk to her today. I'm a little nervous , how do you do this all the time?” Iwaizumi said slightly panicked but still laughing. 

“You get that weird feeling in your stomach right? I hate it.” Iwaizumi added.

“To be honest Iwa-chan , I’ve never gotten that nervous feeling in my stomach during confessions. My heart doesn’t skip a beat out of nervousness , I don't get ‘butterflies’ either. I guess maybe because i’ve never liked one of my confessions in return.” Oikawa laughed. 

Iwaizumi made a confused expression and began chuckling before laughing harder. Using his hand to cover his mouth his shoulders naturally went up. 

Oikawa felt his cheeks lightly flush , he smiled , “Shut up- It’s the truth what are you laughing for?” Oikawa asked. 

“Nothing It’s just , you’re so annoying.” Iwaizumi said in between chuckles and slowly relaxed out of his fit of laughter 

“You get all these confessions and still nothing , What’s it gonna take for you to get in a relationship? I wonder who will be the one for you Shiitykawa.” Iwaizumi said. 

Oikawa never really thought about it , actually being in a relationship.. With a girl.. Being happy.  
It just wasn’t something he could picture. 

But he liked that one girl, Sakura right?  
Yes of course he did. 

So then why were his ears flushed red after seeing his friend of years simply just laugh. They’ve laughed thousands of times together. 

So why now…

Why is he now receiving so called ‘butterflies’ at Iwa-chan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter:  
> 'what's wrong with liking Iwa-chan?"


	2. a new relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby Tooru , there's slight homophobia/internalized homophobia in this chapter but it ends off sweet ;p

9 YEARS EARLIER: the first grade

“Who do you like Hajime-chan?” “Who do you like Gou-chan?” Oikawa heard. He was sitting at his desk , completing his project for school , crayons in his hand. Oikawa hadn’t finished his art project yet , while Iwaizumi was about to go to recess without him. 

“Hey” he heard , Oikawa looked up from his drawing , it was of him , Iwaizumi and his team playing volleyball , representing what he wanted to be in the future. 

“Oh hey Teru-chan! Let's hurry and finish our projects together so we can go outside okay!?” Oikawa said smiling. Teru sat behind Oikawa and he hadn’t finished either , while Iwaizumi’s seat was right next to his one and only best friend. 

“Okay Tooru-chan , you know... Mei-chan told me that Hajime-chan likes Gou-chan , but i’m not sure. You would know since you two are so close. Do you think Mei-chan likes him back? Haru-chan even told me they were secretly dating,” Teru asked, friendly enough.

Oikawa began to wonder ,  
“I think Gou-chan likes Iwa-chan too , i mean Iwa-chan’s a great friend and very nice to everyone right? Though I'm not sure if he likes Gou-chan back , he probably would have told me.” Oikawa said smiling. Teru turned around , “That's great , say who do you like Tooru-chan?” Teru questioned, smirking and seeing Oikawa blush. 

“Okay okayy , but you can’t tell anyone , especially not Iwa-chan” He stuck out his pinky and so did the other boy to pink swear.

“I have a crush on Iwa-chan.” Oikawa said, turning around, hiding his blush. 

Teru looked confused yet innocent. “Huh- you can’t do that.” Teru said one eyebrow raised.

“Can’t do what?” Oikawa questioned.

“You can’t like Hajime-chan , he’s a boy. I heard my mom and dad talking once , she said it’s wrong for a boy to like another boy. I think my dad said it’s illegal or something.” Teru responded 

'what's wrong with liking iwa-chan?' Oikawa questioned himself

“Illegal? ! But why? Please don’t tell anyone Teru-chan I can’t go to jail now I have barely played enough volleyball.” Oikawa begged.

“Fine I won’t say anything.. but isn’t that a little disgusting of you?” He questioned.

“Liking Iwa-chan?” Oikawa questioned again , he felt light tears in his eyes. They were salty and they stinged.

“Well one day Hajime-chan will marry Gou-chan or some random girl , not a boy and especially not his best friend Tooru-chan.” he added crossing his arms.

‘Iwa-chan will marry Gou? But Iwa-chan never told me he likes Gou? Is there something wrong with me?’ Oikawa asked himself , maybe he was just not feeling well.

Oikawa heard the teachers' footsteps walk over to them , “Hey boy’s you two should go out, you can finish your project later okay? Go have fun.” she said smiling looking down. 

“Okay! Thank you Irina-sensei” The two of them said in sync. 

______

8 YEARS LATER: FIRST YEAR IN HIGHSCHOOL:

9 years later Oikawa still had thought about that day in elementary school , not very often but every once in a while it crossed his mind. He didn’t like Iwaizumi anymore per say but he always wondered why he was like that in the first grade. It disgusted him. He was so glad Teru had moved away in the second grade and hadn't came to middle school with him and Iwaizumi. Maybe his old disgusting phase would have been let out. “Hey,” he heard his friend's familiar welcoming voice. He saw Iwaizumi smiling when he looked up. “Maki wants us to go to his house today and Maki’s going too. Let's go after school.” Iwaizumi said. 

Right , those two guys who started hanging out with Iwaizumi more. They were all on the same team but Iwaizumi talked the most to Mattsun. “Alright , I’ll go but I did want to practice my serve today Iwa-chan.” Oikawa pouted but was clearing saying that as a fake guilt trip which didn’t work since he felt a hit on the back of his head. 

“If you practice your serve everyday for three hours everyday you’ll only get worse. Take a break today. Then tomorrow you can practice whatever your little heart desires.” Iwaizumi says angrily.

“Well you’re always there to pick me up an hour before I want to be picked up telling me to eat.” Oikawa said stubbornly. On the inside Oikawa was truly grateful for how amazing of a friend Iwaizumi was. He was always there to help him through his worst. One day he met Oikawa , sat down at his table and chose to never leave. He was the only one outside of his family who he knew would always be there. And Iwaizumi was aware of it too.

“Your mom wants you home when she makes food Trashykawa.” Iwaizumi said. 

“Class is about to end so pack up so we can meet up with Maki right after class.” Iwaizumi added.

____

After the day was spent Iwaizumi and Oikawa of course walked home together , same as always and that will never change. Right? 

“Maki was right , you receive an annoying amount of confessions since we just got here Oikawa.” Iwaizumi said laughing. “Shut up Iwa-chan , you’re just jealous that all the girls look at me and not you~” Oikawa said, making fun of him. “You’re so annoyingly lucky , if only they knew your shitty personality.” Iwaizumi chuckled. 

“Ugh Iwa-chan’s so rude , hey doesn’t Mattsun receive a couple of confessions too? I heard a girl in class talking about it.” Oikawa asked.

“Really? I didn’t know.” Iwaizumi laughed.

“Well does he have a girlfriend? I wouldn’t know you talk more to him.” Oikawa asked in curiosity. This team was known to him so he wanted to know more about everyone. 

Iwaizumi laughed “Mattsun and Maki are dating stupid.” 

… 

‘What?’ ‘Why is Iwa-chan treating it so normally?’ He thought.

Oikawa stopped walking , “Really?” Oikawa asked.

“Yeah Mattsun told me about a week ago , but they don’t care who knows or not so I just told you. I assumed Maki had told you or something. Of course if they did care I wouldn't have said anything.”Iwaizumi said. 

Oikawa felt so happy , the giant weight he had been carrying for years was lifted off , It had slipped off ever so slightly once those words came out of his mouth. 

“Yeah that’s great.” Oikawa said looking down , he couldn’t look his friend in the eye , he was sweating nervously for some reason , feeling the need to hold in his breath. 

Iwaizumi observed Oikawa’s face out of suspicion then looked up smiling.

Why was Iwa-chan smiling too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter:  
> "I have a date with Yui tomorrow i'm sorry."


	3. someone you love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa realizes something and Maki gets annoyed

Now , they were second years. It was crazy how time had passed by. It’s February 11th , Valentine's Day is in three days. Iwaizumi had been hanging out with the girl ever since. He hadn’;t missed practice but they went to a coffee shop near school after classes had ended and talked. Iwaizumi said things had gone well and that they were now dating. Oikawa was happy for him. 

He had forgotten he was sitting with his other third year friend Maki. “Oi-Oikawa!” he heard.   
{god how many times is someone going to call for Oikawa when he isn’t paying attention}

“Yeah?” he asked. “So , I can’t believe Iwaizumi has a girlfriend. It’s perfect timing for valentines day. He needs someone. Iwaizumi is the type of guy to look out for everyone and yeah , he looks out for himself but it’s good to have someone look out for him too you know?” Maki stated.

But… doesn’t Oikawa look out for him? Though Oikawa was the one mostly in need of help he still helped Iwa-chan at times right? Or was he… a bad friend? Is that why Iwaizumi left him? Was he bothered by having to take care of someone? Was Oikawa replaced because he wasn't there for his own friend…

“Besides you of course” he heard. 

Oikawa had a confused look on his face “what?” he asked.

“Well it’s kind of always been you and Iwaizumi who looked out for each other , it’s good he found someone so that he doesn’t only rely on you , now he has someone he loves and can care for.” Maki say’s and continues doing the assignment in front of him. 

Oikawa remembers what they’re actually supposed to be doing and starts his assignment , “Finally Iwa-chan got a girlfriend. Though why would a girl go for Iwa-chan out of everyone. Even me. Whatever, I'm glad it took him long enough.” Oikawa added.

“Well , I mean… you’ve never dated anyone right Oikawa? I didn’t know you in middle school but I'm assuming you haven’t before high school either.” Maki asked innocently. As he saw the slight shock on Oikawa's face a grin tugged at his lips and he started to laugh. 

Oikawa quickly defended himself , “Well , I've received many many confessions so.. That counts right? Doesn't that give me more experience and other things like that than Iwa-chan.” 

“Oh my god I can’t believe I was right , The Oikawa Tooru of this school , his best friend got a girlfriend before him?” Maki continued laughing. “I-I’m just not interested! I could right now If I wanted to.” Oikawa defended , stuttering. 

“Yeah but you don’t.. I mean seriously has no girl ever interested you? You could have a date this valentines day but you choose not to?” Maki asked. 

Oikawa completely forgets about the girl he convinced himself he “was” interested in at one point.   
Obviously that wasn’t true that he had liked her. Though Oikawa sure told himself he did at one point. “Yes!!! I choose to be alone because I care about” ‘Iwa-chan’ he heard in his head.

‘What’ 

No , that’s not it at all , he was just thinking about Iwaizumi in the moments because he is what they were talking about. 

“The team , I care about volleyball and we have to worry about colleges soon. I just don’t have time, that's all it is!” Oikawa claimed. 

“I mean , you could have anyone you want, Oikawa. You could confess to anyone right now and they would probably say yes , I mean… not me I have my own catch.” Maki grinned. 

Why had Oikawa always thought of Iwaizumi whenever he thought of Maki and Mattsun dating? He pushed all those things for elementary behind him so he really didn’t care about who people liked or dated. But why had he always thought about this? It doesn’t affect him since he isn’t in a same- sex relationship. 

There was a comfortable silence as they continued their work for a couple minutes , they heard the classroom door open. Both Maki and Oikawa looked up and once they did they saw Iwaizumi wave with a smile and began to walk over to them. 

He was surprisingly alone. 

“Hey” Oikawa waved. “Hey man, how's your girlfriend and you doing? I barely saw you yesterday.”   
Maki asked. 

“Hey , we’re doing pretty good so far at least I think so. I dropped her off at class just now so sorry I haven’t been talking to you two as much.” Iwaizumi reassured , he clearly had a feeling of guilt weighed on him.

“It’s okay man , so when are we gonna meet her?” Maki asked , he knew something was going on with Oikawa from his silence but chose not to point it out since Iwaizumi was oblivious. 

It’s crazy how much Iwaizumi has been there for Oikawa and knows so much about him but is completely oblivious to who he’s interested in. However Oikawa doesn't even realize it himself so he can’t really blame the wing spiker. 

But of course Maki would never tell them the obvious feelings they have…

“Well I actually wanted to introduce you guys during lunch today , she’s a shy type of person so she’s kinda nervous , so… go easy on her okay? I really like her so far.” Iwaizumi smiled and sat down next to Oikawa turning to him. He realized Oikawa wasn’t talking and saw how he looked a little red. Though not from blush. Maybe from stress? 

“Are you feeling okay?” Iwaizumi asked and placed a hand on Oikawa’s forehead moving his fluffy fringe. He looked concerned and noticed Oikawa's shock and turned a deeper shade of red.   
Oikawa quickly moved his friend's hand away from his face by grabbing his wrist. “I’m fine Iwa-chan , either way that shouldn’t concern you right? You have a girlfriend of your own.” Oikawa gives him that smile. That fake one Iwaizumi hated , Oikawa always lied with good intentions. Surely he is smiling and trying to relieve his friend because he doesn't want Iwaizumi to worry about him. 

“Just because I have a girlfriend doesn’t mean I can’t help you.” Iwaizumi said, pouting. 

Iwa-chan’s always here. He always has been really… always there for Oikawa.

“You guys are still my friends right?’ Iwaizumi questioned with a smile on his face. 

‘You guys , friends?’ 

Is he special to Iwa-chan? 

“Obviously , Oikawa’s just dumb” Maki said. 

“So.. lunch is next period , are you guys okay with eating with her? It’ll probably only be for today unless you guys are okay with having her join us normally. Though i’m not sure she would be comfortable with all you guys , not saying she wouldn't like you she just gets a little nervous.” Iwaizumi rumbled on. 

“Iwa-chan just started talking to this girl and already knows so much huh?” Oikawa says.

“Well we have been trying to talk as much as possible , we exchanged phone numbers too.” Iwaizumi said with a visible blush on his face which made Oikawa a little confused. 

He knew so many things about Oikawa but only knowing a couple of things about this girl made him blush? It almost seemed

Unfair.

“Yeah we can eat with her , Is Mattsun coming too?” Maki asked, looking at Oikawa. Oikawa simply nodded “I’d like to meet your girlfriend Iwa-chan but she’ll probably dump you after seeing-”   
Oikawa was interrupted by a smack on the back of his head. “Maybe you shouldn’t go.” Iwaizumi grumbled angrily. “Noooo~ i wanna meet this girl who’s apparently the love of Iwa-chan’s life.” Oikawa complained , holding on to his friend's shoulder. “That really hurt Iwa-chan.” 

“Who said she was the love of my life?” Iwaizumi glared. “Well you’ve only known her for a couple of days and you already care more about her than your Oikawa-san.” Oikawa went on.   
The confusion in his head mixed with the hidden jealousy even he couldn't see. 

“Your Oikawa-san?” Iwaizumi questioned with an eyebrow raised. “I’m not your mother who takes care of you”. Iwaizumi pushed Oikawa's shoulder back harshly. 

Maki mentally shook his head , these two are so in denial it’s crazy. Though with Oikawa’s inner denial of even considering his sexuality would be anything but straight , and Iwaizumi’s density and girlfriend they were getting absolutely nowhere. Maki just sat back and observed. 

“Don’t worry she’s not interested in you , she knows who you are and she chose someone like me for once.” Iwaizumi said with a sarcastic smile that was filled with anger , pulling Oikawa’s hair, shooting his head back , tugging aggressively. 

“Hurts Iwa-chan.” Oikawa whined , trying to get Iwaizumi's hand off him.   
Iwaziumi smiled , a genuine smile.

“Hey but seriously…” Iwaizumi said nervously ,   
“Don’t mess this up for me okay? I actually really like her so… try not to be an ass and flirt with her.” Iwaizumi admitted flustered. 

Shit. 

What the hell was that? That feeling? Seeing Hajime flustered , smiling about someone. 

Someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took a while and it's not long either however i have a good setup/idea of how this stories going 😏  
> next chapter:  
> -meeting iwa's girlfriend  
> -"why is she... calling him that?"


End file.
